The Versatility of Sh*t


You can shoot the sh*t



not know it

have it for brains

speak it fluently

don’t take it

have it together

get it together

be full of it

blow it up

step in it

have it hit the fan

smoke it

don’t give it

be a dip around it

label it good, bad or sorry

call it heavy

stir it up

get too old for it

ingest it as an imaginary sandwich

experience it as part of a storm

be down for it

sarcastically comment it doesn’t stink

not give a damn about it

say it’s deep

get it done

be up it’s creek minus a paddle

believe it is holy

serve it on a shingle

know it as the last name of Jack

not distinguish it from Shinola

not know it

make it up

have it together

not give a…

pair it with giggles

take none

label it tough

bring it forth or get off the commode

Testing … testing

We are tested many times everyday. 24/7/365 (366 in certain years).

Likely not in the manner of Job, Abraham or Donald Trump’s many wives but every test is indeed a challenge.

It arrives early: Do we rise from bed or succumb to the beckoning siren of more supine time?

If I say chose the latter and later detailed to my wife and later my boss that I simply selected the more spiritual option of the moment and didn’t make it to work, would that be honest but doubling down on malformed decisions? Politically incorrect in a proletariat/bourgeoisie paradigm or blasted stupid in lieu of having 20 years remaining on the mortgage?

Plus that later I ascended to a celestial establishment and rubbed elbows with various heavenly beings, partook of religious libations, heard angels crooning — quite the holistic religious experience — and then — my, my — it was 5:00 p.m.

Consider my options: dragging myself from horizontal slumbering, getting semi-presentable utilizing the never fail no smell-no foul clothing test, contributing to global warming by plying along the roadway for seemingly forever in our 10-year-old mini-van, cutting off a white-haired, older lady in order to nab the last parking spot (receiving a gnarled middle finger in response), plopping myself down at my desk and attaching the ball and chain for yet another uninspired eight hours.

This versus brushing up against the divine?

It is often said God works in mysterious ways. Who am I to argue?

— inspired by a poetry writing class prompt about tests

Roadtripping around our country

In Big Apple time, the good life’s a rigged bet
all those Wall Street wannabe rainmakers so afraid of getting wet

Around Jerseytown, where the accents are thick
it’s where’s my cut or just fuhgedaboutit

Detroit’s hollowed out, now an empty shell
even Motown’s soul has sung it’s own death knell

Outside Chi-town, the slaughter’s in the stockyards
but in ’68, it was done by Daley’s Praetorian guards

Entering North Dakota, it seems kind of bent
that a woodchipper is the state’s death row instrument

In the plains, farmers grow red, white and blue
but Monsanto requires you tell them which seed you grew

It’s a gorgeous green and wet in the Great Northwest
trees continue fallin’ feathering logger barons’ nests

Caffeine and breweries mainline Portland’s fad hipster scene
but all California is going a different kind of green

A certain captain Cooked their goose out Hawaii way
but bad spellers still fantasize of a welcoming lay

The mantra in LA is one of be all that you dream
but you’re a failure if you still look like you or me

The lights never dim even when leaving Las Vegas
where green, silver and gold defines god and goddess

In Rio Grande baptisms, it’s where the myths float big
evangelical hyperbole festers through leaves of fig

OK City life was once shattered but not by Muslims
no, it was score one for the society of feral humans

Over in Birmingham, where four innocents died
brown’s the new black ’cause time it just don’t fly

Across the state of Florida, call it just a quixotic fad
how in the GOP, so many more are now named Chad

In South Carolina, the state motto tells a tail
‘join me and together we’ll plow the Appalachian Trail’

Across the country, prosperity flags wave from church steeples
as the re-crucifixion of Jesus is the order of the people