Losing Footing

Heading downward isn’t usually associated with anything good

consider the phrase “fall in love”

is this a never-ending nosedive?

what’s are the odds of a soft landing?

can humans tumble upwards?


imaginary phone call #1

Emergency operator: “911, what is the nature of your call?”

Me: “This is more of a precautionary dialup — I have fallen in love but don’t need stitches and I can’t find anything broken.”

Emergency operator: “Did you lose consciousness sir?”

Me: “What?”

Emergency operator: “Have you experienced any difficulty breathing or voluminous sweating?”

Me: “I just want to be on record for the future. Just in case.”

Emergency operator: “So hardly fallen or fallen hardly, can you clarify?”

Me: “Is this some sort of English grammar test?”

Emergency operator: “Sir, might your head be concussed?”

Me: “I beg your pardon. My sweetie and I do not swear in any manner. I am hanging up now.”


imaginary phone call #2

Me: “Thanks for answering Ramona. For the record, I wanted to let you know I have fallen in love but I can’t find anything broken.”

Insurance agent: “That’s good news. Let’s see. You chose to fall in love, correct? None of this predestination babble that is so popular now.”

Me: “Correct.”

Insurance agent: “Okay. Therefore, the timing of your decision actually precludes any coverage. You weren’t in love prior to obtaining your health policy, correct?

Me: “I’m not sure of the exact starting point of, as they say, my downward swoon. I think I was in a very “heavy like” when I took out your policy. Would that make a difference?

Insurance agent: “We cover some pre-existing situations but…”

Me: Could this possibly come under some sort of giddy existential descent? Might that make anything resulting cover-able?

Insurance agent: “Remember your policy is with us and not Nietzsche and Camus Incorporated…


imaginary phone call #3

Me (to my therapist): “My newlywed wife Jenny and I just had a terrible row. She gets so jealous at the smallest thing.”

Therapist: “Give me an example of your conflicts as you know it take two to tango, or even foxtrot.”

Me: “Well, I wanted to go see “Little Women” at the theater…”

Therapist: (interjecting) that’s good, that’s a positive. A shared cultural experience is usually bonding for a relationship.”

Me: “My wife freaked. She accused me of harboring pedophile propensities.”

Therapist: “Uh, remember that Franky Lymon song “Why Do Fools Fall In Love?” Memorize the lyrics. (looking at her watch), Well, well, time flies. You’re two minutes and eighteen seconds appears up. ”


imaginary phone call #4

Me: “I thought we’d be a couple forever. Now, Deb’s dumped me and broken my heart.”

First Buddy: “Two words: duct tape. Wrap on a heavy dose. Works on everything. Your heart’ll be good as new in no time.”

Me: “No, it’s like my heart has been split with a sharp dagger.”

Second Buddy: “Free advice, date a cardiologist gal next.”

Me: (ruefully) “I gave her my heart so freely, certain it would be treated well.”

Second Buddy: “They say possession is 9/10s of the law. Even so, she didn’t steal it. It’s still yours, even if it’s in pieces, right? No small claims court here amigo.

First Buddy: “Get off and stay off Tinder. I’m sure your parents warned you years ago not to play around with any combustible material.

Me: (To the strains of of Jimmy Ruffin’s “What Becomes of the Brokenhearted?) “So what now?”

The buddies in unison: “Find someone who only packs Cupid arrows.”

Understanding differences

Is the diagnosis that we all speak a unique dialect despite a common vocabulary?

or maybe we have chosen not to hear

We are all Brothers and Sisters from the universal mother

not birthed as enemies

simply baggage handlers

choosers of disparate words

slaves to measuring others

But is it to enlarge boundaries or perpetually be on a red alert mission of counterfeit comfort?

I refuse to accept your toxic folly

You deny my approach

I’m no oracle and neither are you but Enlightenment isn’t insufferable

So which direction nourishes? Which stunts?

Choose amity, or remain safe but decaying inside.